dreaming.

hello bonzai.

it has been so good to see and talk to you all recently. smash, it was really great to see you and catch up with you. i'm jealous of you and mandi's night in college station, sounds so great. kimbo, you're back. whoop.

Dreaming... i feel like that's something i've been doing a lot lately. Sometimes it's bad - i don't want to constantly be dreaming away today. I want to fully be where I am, where I know God has me for a reason. At the same time, there are so many desires and dreams I have, that I know the Lord is slowly burning up within me. Other jobs, possibly involving photography. My living situation. Future marriage. Future hopes. All these things are on my mind, and sometimes too much. I wrote this in my journal the other day:

"I feel like every day, all these hopes and ideas well up inside me and go around in circles, but all I can do is look up with my arms open and say, 'Here I am, please me sense of my mess and guide me.'"

Mandi and I had a really good talk on Sunday, and a few weeks ago when she was here. Basically we talked about how much we really want to see God moving, to see His power in huge ways in our lives, where we cannot possibly do anything else but depend on him. Financially, spiritually, communally depend on the Lord for every breath each day. What would it look like to really do it? To live simply and possibly in a poor area? To do something crazy, where we might not have much money and it might not really make sense to the rest of the world (in fact it most certainly won't)? What would it look like to intentionally live in a community dedicated to encouraging each other, holding each other accountable and calling each other out in truth, sharing everything, hosting people of all cultures and colors and religions and nations, and watch the Lord provide and open doors and change lives?

It would not be easy. But it would be good.

God is showing me so much about myself. I am so messed up. I constantly seek satisfaction in other things and people before the Lord. I usually put myself before others. I am selfish and lazy. But because of His grace HE is breaking my heart for His people. I am praying that the Lord would surround me with like-minded Jesus-followers, who are passionate about the nations and about making the kingdom of God known in this world, in Dallas, in neighborhoods and suburbs, and encourage me to keep seeking.

You 3 girls have changed and challenged me more than anyone. I just want you to know that because of the way you live your lives, my life has been changed.

I have selfishly been praying that we would be brought to live together again, but let's be praying that God would make it clear if that should happen. All I know is that God is creating huge desires in each of us, and it would be cool to build off of the foundations he allowed us to build last year.

I'm praying for each of you. That God would guide you with every step and put you exactly where He will be most glorified in you.

Thanks for reading my ramblings. Be blessed today, and know that you are loved.

Root

ps can we have a retreat/hangout weekend soon.